Writer, producer and sometime-actor, Eli David rarely descends from his 8th floor penthouse (read: single bedroom apartment). He appears in public only to attend high-society functions (read: emu fights) or to oversee the philanthropic arm of his vast, industrial glass houseboat empire.
In entirely unrelated news, criminals in Eli’s hometown have recently reported run-ins with a masked man wielding a bass guitar and calling himself “The Spinal Tapper.” While “The Tapper” has reportedly thwarted several crimes, he always vanishes before police arrive. Although he has never spoken publicly on the subject, Mr. David recently released the following statement:
While I sympathize with The Tapper’s obvious anger at the criminal element in our city, there is simply no place in modern society for this brand of vigilante justice. If citizens want to involve themselves in law enforcement, they would better serve the community by simply keeping their eyes open and contacting the authorities if things seem suspicious. We are all in this together.